dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
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as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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