I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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