i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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