Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize