yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
