After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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