I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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