i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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