Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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