Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
