no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
