We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
