the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
