do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
