good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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