Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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