someone owes me an orgasm
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
