Your face is a jimmy john
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
