$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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