now i know why i became what i already was.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
