Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
