Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
