ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think my moral compass just broke
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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