help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
