drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize