How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
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I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
where are my eyebrows?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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