chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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