fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
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