are you still at the devil's house?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
