The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
