she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
