I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You can't motorboat a personality
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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