update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
