You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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