Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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