Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
