So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
