Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
