I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
