My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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