she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
