Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I deserve this hangover.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
