My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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