I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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