Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
