so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
