I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk is a universal language darling
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