You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
