he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
