I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
