I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
