Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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