i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
