if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I need mimosas to revive my soul
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
