Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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