Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
