Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
