How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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