Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
