So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
